we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm getting married
To pizza
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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