$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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