I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
