after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
