I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
