They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
