oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
