I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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