Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I could make wine with my vomit
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
