Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Who died my cat blue again?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
