Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
