are you still at the devil's house?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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