Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
