The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
