By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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