Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
