Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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