its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
