I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
no you cant smoke seaweed
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Randomize
