i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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