He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
where are my eyebrows?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
