So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
