Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
