he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
