"it" just moved
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
