I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
