You made me cry and you don't even care
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
