i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
