You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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