I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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