I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
