You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
