yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
