Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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