he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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