I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
