they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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