So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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