New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
