Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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