i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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