just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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