I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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