you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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