I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
