Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
