Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
