You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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