And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
