You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
