When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
