Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
