You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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