walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
