he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
